elton-joan: i think my biggest regret of high school is not stealing more sheet music
alltimeangela: why does leonardo dicaprio always end up dead in the water with no girlfriend
frank-schlongbottom: i used to think that a foot of parchment was a lot and feel bad when harry potter characters were assigned to write that much but then i realized the paper i write on is 8.5 by 11 inches. so a foot of parchment is the equivalent of like, not even a page and a half of paper. they complained SO MUCH about essays that were like a page and a half wtf guys get your shit...
reallyreallyreallytrying: yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger
human-ize: milktree: you can pretend like i dont exist but i still made you whimper like a little bitch when you were about to cum this is my favorite post on this website
goforeverforworseorbetter: goodbye-old-friend: today i found out that apparently if you kill someone in international waters on an unregistered boat then throw the body overboard they can’t trace it back to any one legal system so you can’t be prosecuted for their murder so what did you do today
vivalaausten: greydelisle: The kid behind me at Starbucks got way too excited about the last pumpkin muffin….so I ordered it.
starksexual: i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
gaysexistheanswer: hungarian: someone in class asked me for my tumblr & i took her phone & told her i followed myself on her account but i actually followed gaysexistheanswer thank you
nintooner: in PE we had to write assertive responses to pressuring statements when you don’t want to have sex with somebody and I’m sorry
teacher: NO DON'T PACK UP WE STILL HAVE .00000007 SECONDS OF CLASS LEFT!
katyissuperwholocked: superwhoavengehobbitpotterlock: You are allowed to drink when you’re 16. You are allowed in clubs when you’re 18. You receive free education. You receive economic support while studying. You enjoy free hospitalization. You’ll be correctly informed by objective news channels.
narcissistmanifesto: you may unfollow me but you can never deny that you liked my blog enough to make the conscious decision to follow me in the first place
sweeneytad: *dentist slaughters family in front of you* they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
bigstupidbaby: i like australia because we call things what they are. like what the fuck is a dime? its ten cents. a quarter? do you mean 25 cents we aint doing fractions here we are trying to buy some shit
zeram: maozedung: homework? decent grades? the bible said adam and eve not adam and achieve i almost spit everywhere
Person: Rape is just surprise sex.
Me: Killing you would just be giving you a surprise nap.
andrewpauldost: i just saw a post like “kids these days dont even know what a vhs is” like why do people think kids of modern day dont know about past events like i know what fucking morse code is but i dont use it to order a pizza
chickensandwich: foxnewsofficial: let’s have *** (Uncensored for adults) lets have egg
Abortion seems to be the only medical procedure that people want to deny you...– Worry About Your Own Uterus: (via veruca-assault) “Worry about your own uterus” wise wise words. (via triplash)
davidlynching: fun fact: iraq, pakistan, afghanistan and saudi arabia have a higher percentage of women in the government than the us & the uk another fun fact: white people tend to get very angry when you point this out to them